Coffee with a good friend yesterday. Depression came up, they said ‘you looked fine.’
I said that my shrink (many years ago) said “you really care what people see,” and my response was “I’ve worn so many masks, for so long, that I no longer have any idea what I look like.”
That was almost 20 years ago. And the best description I’ve read is here at The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/apr/19/depression-awareness-mental-illness-feel-like
It really is worth your while to read it.